Feeding Tube Awareness Week

By God's special gift of grace given to me through his power, I became a servant to tell that Good News.
-Ephesians 3:7

When I am faced with troubles, I usually know and remember to turn to God for strength, grace, patience and guidance.  It's the small, not the large problems that get me. Not the unplanned surgeries or the fact that my daughter wasn't on this earth for a few short seconds. It's when dinner plans are messed up or my husband put the pizza on the wrack instead of the pizza pan or my children put dirty clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper.  I get so upset to the point that it overwhelms me. Those are the times that I need to remember to turn to God, not just for the BIG stuff.  I am happy that God promises to help and carry me through when times get too hard. It lets me know that I can break down and show emotions that a mom should be able to show for a daughter with health issues.  I know that I don't have to go through it alone. Often times I feel like I need to live up to certain expectations and rules. Bottom line is when everything seems to hit the fan, I should be turning to God and asking for help instead of trying to figure out what I can do to fix it. (Yes that's right, I thought it was my duty to fix problems.) What I realize now is, when I try to fix them, the problem gets worse so that I am left with the only solution being to ask God for help.  And let me tell you, he always pulls through in one way or another.
As I look back on the last 8 months of my life, I recall so many times when I was faced with challenges, and although grace was right there, I didn't always reach out and receive it. Instead I desperately held onto my own agenda. When I finally had enough and let go of it God was there waiting for me.

The last few days have been a testimony to me hanging onto my own agenda.  We had a swallow, g-tube and colon study done today. We discovered that Makayla is still not swallowing and she is aspirating food that comes to her through her g-tube. I have made a decision today to give it to God and receive his grace. It is not in my control and he can take much better care of her and my plan would get in the way and possible make it worse.